life

by Leila

I don’t even have a picture or a purpose. All I’ve got is to say, “I’m laying in a hotel bed tonight,in a new town, a new place, that tomorrow becomes my home.”

The thoughts swirl to no end. I’ve visited this place so many times on vacation; is this it? Is this the place? Where we plant? For this next unpredictable season of our lives?

Social Media, its an odd thing. I feel so close to so many, yet so far away from those that I am logistically the closest to. If you are offended that we’ve left Central Oregon without forewarning, I sincerely apologize. At the same time… If you knew us well enough, you should’ve known this was coming. Enough said on that.

Life, it’s been more than most could ever ask or imagine the last year or two. We’ve encountered more than we ever thought we could handle and very honestly, maybe have not have handled so well, on so many levels. Simply put, it’s been hard and quite often sad. It’s time for change and by golly we have done it. I was surrprised at how few people commented on ‘the truth and/or reality’ of our move (to those of you that did, THANK YOU, SINCERELY, for taking the second to recognize a life changing event.) It’s bigger than you can comprehend till you do it yourself, but in all honestly. I am flipping excited.

Through a series of events, Bill and I have been through the pressing mill and back and have made a conscious decision to change the course, direction and place of our lives. We have made poor choices and decisions in the last few years, its beyond humbling and painful and we are slowing working our way through and (hopefully) out of that. The truth is we love loving; our children, our family, the broken, the hurting, the impoverished, the immigrant, the lost… Oh how we hate hate. For some obscure reason we’ve needed a new start and tomorrow we enter into that with sincere hope of finding a place of peace and time to bless whoever walks across or into our doors.

I guess I’m simply trying to say’ “If you’ve a need to escape, we’d like to offer you us, our home, our life for a few days, to rest, rejoice, recuperate, whatever. We’ve been beyond blessed and its our sincere desire to love and bless our friends, family, loved ones and whoever truly is brought into our lives.” As Bill said to me earlier tonight, “I want everyone I know, to know, they are welcome at our home, always.”

I get that this is silly emotional/moved away talk. At the same time, it is so not that. You go through a hardened journey of three to four years of really complexing and hard things and you do grow and learn, that’s simple truth and life. Honestly it’s what we have walked. Therefore this push of, “please consider our desert home for your retreat” ’tis entirely sincere.

I have to end this calling out two ladies who’ve rallied me personally though this, both without even knowing it. One, I’m not even connected to on Social Media, but what and who she’s been to me is priceless. I only hope to be more like her as I grow older in life and stop being the pathetic “debby downer” that I’ve become. She’s embodies to learn to look to the BRIGHT side in life, oh how I desire to be that person. Second, she’s forgiven me like no other. I’m simply blown away at the grace of this individual, we were given something priceless and in my simple immaturity I gave it up. I think maybe, I’ve never been more sorry. Hoping for a flower out of mud.

I really don’t even know if this blog has any purpose, beauty, truth or meaning (which is the desire I have for everyone’s life whom I love.) Its just me saying, ” wow, I just did something crazy big.”

Oh and P.S. truth be told……..
My husband, he’s an incredible crazy dreamer; I on the other hand am the doer, I’m a realist who gets things done quite well. Therefore these life changes, they take a bit of time and effort to be done right and well. (o:

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