Brokenness

by Leila

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It’s always hard for me, the broken. I am a fixer, an incredible fixer. Like most women I am often impressed at my ability to take on, organize, handle, multi-task beyond reason, accomplish and complete any responsibility that I take on. Well other than having an organized pantry… I fail here, but then no one can see that.

It’s been a few years now that I have been taught, through life, that I can not always fix brokenness. And brokenness, it tends to break me.

Unfortunately as of late there is so much of it going on around me. I have a family member that can not stand me and I have no idea why. I have a darling cousin that is in the depths of loss and can not seem to find any rest from the pain. I have a daughter who lost one the the brightest stars in her life, leaving his own wife financially burdened beyond belief. I have loved ones who’s life has been imploding for months and the depth of pain and darkness only grows. Then there’s the state of our politics… It’s been a rough last few weeks for me personally.

Thankfully I have a mentor. I have zero comprehension as to how I have become so fortunate as to have this mentor because she is a great woman. As I shared with her yesterday, she thoughtfully listened and then she told me. Your on the other side of life now, it’s the side past those amazing years of 30 -55, it’s the side where all that life experience and learning sets into reality and ease. The hard things, the burdens, they become normal and you grow to roll with them more clearly. The worry, the stress of it, the burden of it, it becomes less and it’s just life.

At the end of a day of overwhelming concern and worry and the crashing reality that I could not only not fix the broken, I couldn’t even offer any help. I dawned on me that I was okay with that, it didn’t cause me to fret much at all. I heard this quote in a speech last night and was impressed by it. Impressed because it was another illustration to me. The broken, they need to carry their own in order to get through it and grow into their own personal strength and peace.

“You carried your own burdens and very soon, your symptoms of creeping privilege disappeared.”  ~ Seamus Heaney

I’m so sorry I can not fix all that is broken. But then I am so sorry that I’ve tried to for so long. I’m thankful to be realizing, to be fixed, we must bear our own.

Love and Peace, Leila

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly
Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night

Blackbird fly
Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

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